FULL STOP -- the Black Community is experiencing a mental health emergency. Black Americans come from a historic experience of trauma and violence, having an emotional and mental affect on youth and adults. Take the time to check on those who are in your sphere -- especially the ones who seem okay.
If you can relate to the words of the Chloe & Halle' song "Baby Girl" and are experiencing a moment where as the lyrics say, "trying so hard to let it go. But today I'm just feeling low" -- that's a good time to reach out to someone for a conversation. You may not even address the issue that has you in a fog, but getting your mind off of it for a while can offer some relief from depression. "Low and loneliness" is a toxic emotional cocktail. Both loneliness and isolation can have negative effects on mental health. Too many moments of building up bad memories or collecting low points can be a strain on one's health or have other detrimental affects. This is a call to the silent sisterhood, literally. How can we rejoice about Black Girl Magic and Black Girl Joy when more of us than we care to admit are sad and lonely?
The trauma of loss to suicide is quaking through the Black community. Have you checked on that strong friend -- the one who always seems to have it all together? She (or he) may never tell you she needs to talk. Take the initiative to ask her how she is feeling. Or, are you the strong one who expertly conceals vulnerability, facing all your challenges with abject independence?
Whether you need help or can be a friend to someone in need, interaction is necessary to protect our mental health.
We are currently witnessing a mental health emergency in the African American community that demands a personal touch, whereby the sisterhood engages in check-ins. In January, two young Black people died by suicide and were known to have struggled with mental health. (Two of such tragedies in a month's time is unheard of!) The latest was the death of Cheslie Kryst, a former Miss USA. No one is exempt form the feelings associated with being pressured to be or do more or simply being overwhelmed by life's demands. In 2021, Black women in sports -- Symone Biles and Naomi Osaka -- put their emotional wellness in the spotlight, admitting that they felt too much pressure. Someone you know could be bottling up their depression and anxiety and needs you to reach out to do a girlfriend check in on their mental status. This is a charge for us all to proactively show interest and love to those around us.
We are all still dealing with the stress of the pandemic, but as Black women it is piled on top of microaggressions in the workplace and the pressure to be "magical" just to receive the basic level of respect that every human deserves. Check on that strong friend who appears to have life under control. We can not afford to endure another Cheslie, whose death was a wake up call to Black women. Don't wait until your friend or loved one is perceivably on the edge of a mental break down before calling. If they cross your mind, call them. You could be coming to her rescue. Don't wait for her to open up. Just ask if she is okay providing assurance that your role is to listen.
Three years ago, during a Bible Study, I shared my concern for the rise in suicide among youth and how it was impacting both our sons and daughters. Alarmed, I requested that we begin to pray for youth dealing with thoughts of suicide. Unbeknownst to me, a visitor seated near me was deeply moved by my concerns. She raised her hand and told us that she had just been at the hospital with a young Black woman, a family member who attempted to take her own life. Wiping away tears, she offered that she too had been feeling hopeless and felt relieved to know she was not alone. This experience is an example of how merely voicing care and concern can make a difference in someone's life.
We can no longer say suicide is a "white girl" problem or continue to project super-human strength when far too many are crumbling inside. We also reject the notion to getting counseling is not in Black people's DNA. More African Americans are beginning to accept therapy. fortunately. Although suicide death rates are 60 percent lower among Blacks than in Whites and Hispanics overall, in 2019, the Department of Health and Human Services reported "suicide was the second leading cause of death for Blacks or African Americans, ages 15 to 24.1, according to SAMHSA’s 2018 National Survey on Drug Use and Health. But it is not jut Black women who are taking their lives as you can see from the aforementioned example. Serious mental illness (SMI) rose among all ages of Black and African American people between 2008 and 2018. The death rate from suicide for Black or African American men was four times greater than for African American women, in 2018. Suicide is a grim reality in the Black community.
Cheslie Kryst was many Black women. Kyrst was highly accomplished. She was a role model for many women through her mental health advocacy, pro bono work as a civil attorney and blog for professional women. She blessed others and seemed to have a heart of gold. From the statements that were released it is clear that she will be remembered for kind deeds as well as being successful.
My daughter, a successful student and also a pageant queen herself, had thoughts of suicide. The first time any of us in the family had heard of this was when she shared it in a Ted Talk. I was a work-from -home mom most of her life and could not understand what signs I'd missed. Since learning of her struggles I encouraged my daughter to open up to me or someone else with whom she felt safe. Her younger sister, who did open up to me, also wrestled with thoughts of suicide.
You can not out-achieve pain or mental illness. Over-achievement is often a cover up.
There is always seemingly something beneath the surface in each of us that no one knows about unless we reveal it. Find a trusted friend, advisor or counselor with whom you can share you thoughts and fears. There is help to overcome the challenges associated with depression, anxiety and mental illness.
As a pageant mom, the news of Cheslie's death in particular struck me hard. Authorities have yet to determine the motive for the suicide of Kyrst, who leaped out of her New York apartment building.
She had written an essay in Allure magazine in March of 2021 about not measuring up to the beauty standards of social media trolls, saying she deleted comments that said her athletic build looked like a man's body and she was not pretty enough to be Miss USA.
What Cheslie wrote could serve as bread crumbs as to what led to her mental demise: "I was the oldest woman in history to win the title, a designation even the sparkling $200,000 pearl-and-diamond Mikimoto crown could barely brighten for some diehard pageant fans who immediately began to petition for the age limit to be lowered." By this comment she obviously disagreed with people who judged her for her age, but at the same time she wrote that the prospect turning 30 made her feel like she was "running out of time."
She had only been on this planet for 3 decades, two of which were stages of growth and development, and for her, periods of great accomplishments. It appeared that she did not waste any time, but measured it out to fulfill her dreams and aspirations. What the article did not tell us is what else she wanted to do as a woman. Perhaps she had both traditional and non-traditional goals that were not fulfilled.
Her passing begged the question, "Why would someone who had everything, end their life?" She was gifted and accomplished, but may have been "tired." Tired of being judged, labeled and rejected by people who did not even know her. And perhaps tired of waiting for some of the desires of her heart to be fulfilled. Tired, perhaps, of the hurtful comments of strangers online who did not know her heart or working in a criminal justice system that seems inherently unfair to the people she defended.
Most women can relate to the society-imposed pressures that comes with aging like finding the right partner, getting married and starting a family by a certain time. For a woman like Cheslie, as she shared in the essay, she had the added stigma of being the oldest person crowned in the history of the Miss USA pageant. which to may of us was commendable.
Without knowing Miss Kryst personally, I am left to wonder what pushed her over the edge as I contemplate what is happening to us?
Recognizing that "community" in the sense that I grew up is almost extinct, I believe one of the problems is a disconnect in human relations that can naturally occur with changes to how society operates.
Sometimes we just need a friend and getting to one not as simple as it used to be in our transitory world. No one is meant to be an island unto themselves. If you are alone, begin to build a sense of community by connecting to allies. A community does not need to be large to be strong, it simply needs to be connected.
I experienced this separateness I am attempting to describe when I was planning my destination wedding alone. My circle of sisterhood was scattered all over the country. Without them near me, I was in a new city on my own and had not meshed with anyone in a year. The first line in a correspondence I had sent to my Bridesmaid's was "HEELLLLLLP!"
When they did not show up the way I needed them to I was forced into fierce independence. Because the cry came with a sense of humor I might have been ignored and I seriously needed the love and support i was crying our for at that time. Did I go into a depression or become suicidal? No. That does not mean some TLC would not have lifted me.
Opening up is not easy. Many cries for help are not going to be as blatant as mine, which requires you to pay attention to those around you. We should never have a cavalier attitude about people who have had enough and could not handle their heavy load. We must pay more attention to subtleties and show compassion for others in any space we find ourselves in -- work, church, school, etc.
Extending care and concern say to the recipient, "You deserve to be here."
If you are someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, help is available at the Suicide Prevention Lifeline by calling 800-273-8255.
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